Skulduggery Pleasant: The Hungry Hungry Teenager
by Valkyrie Smith
Summary: A short story of Valkyrie and Skulduggery when she is about 15. Valkyrie is hungry and tired, and it's the middle of the night! Very funny, a bit random, based on some art on DeviantArt! Much better on the inside! You will enjoy it!


**Hello! This is inspired by kaikaru from DeviantArt. Seriously, you need to see the picture! Its called 'Skul Orders Pizza'! It's so funny! **

**Enjoy!**

**PS. Set when Valkyrie is about 15.**

* * *

Valkyrie and Skulduggery had had a long day. It started with Valkyrie getting up and meeting Skulduggery, and them starting their day as usual. Valkyrie had trained with Skulduggery and a friend of his who taught her some more combat skills. Then they had gone for a run that tested how fast she could run and how long for. That had been particularly exhausting, but defiantly necessary if she was to be chased. Which, lets face it, was probably going to happen at some point.

After the training, Valkyrie got a shower, saw Fletcher for a while, before they annoyed Skulduggery too much and he was sent away. After that, they saw China, then they investigated a murder in which Valkyrie had to run after this really irritating man until he tripped over a shadow she had sent at him. _Then _they shackled him and took him to the Sanctuary. After that they spent four hours tracking and chasing the man's friend who had helped in the murders.

Valkyrie hadn't eaten since breakfast. For breakfast, she had eaten a WeightWatcher's calorie counting cereal bar. She would usually have more, but she had just had a growth spurt and the needed to fill the extra height with more muscles, which meant a nutritional diet and lots of training. It also meant that her breakfast had been smaller than usual. Two more weeks and she wound have put on enough muscle mass to go back to whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted.

But nothing had been eaten all day other than breakfast. She was hungry. But Skulduggery didn't stock his house with food, so she decided to sleep it off and wait until morning to go out and buy something nice but controlled. Maybe she would even be allowed something bigger since she hadn't eaten much today. She probably would be. She could use her big doe eyes on Skulduggery. She had yet to meet someone that didn't love the eyes.

Sleep came easy for Valkyrie. Years of shutting her eyes and willing for the darkness made it easy, like muscle memory. So she slept.

* * *

Valkyrie had only been asleep for three hours when she woke. She instantly scowled and clutched her stomach in pain.

It was like an empty hole was stuck inside her, and it really needed filling. So she shouted for help:

"Skul!"

"Yes?" His voice said from the other side of the room. Opening her eyes, she found he was sitting on the chair near the window in the same living room as herself, reading the news paper. The curtains were closed, but she could see through a gap that it was night, late night.

"I'm sooo hungry," she said, in a desperate tone.

"Should I make you something?"

"All you have here is tea."

"Valkyrie, it's really late," he said patiently. "Everywhere else is closed."

"What time is it anyway?"

"Two o'clock at night," he replied after consulting with his watch.

"But Skulduggery! You don't even need to move! Lets order delivery!"

"What?" Skulduggery asked her. "I thought you were on a health kit?"

"I was. But I haven't eaten since morning and I have used up all my energy. I need fuel!"

"So what do you suggest I get at this time of night, Valkyrie?" He asked, sighing again but still reading.

"Pizza. They deliverer this late," she said.

Skulduggery said nothing for a moment, and she looked at him, then glared. "What? I have used far more fuel than is healthy and I will die without more," she said very seriously.

He didn't move. "Well? What are you waiting for?"

"Just let me finish this page," he replied.

It was Valkyrie's turn to sigh. She needed to ramp up her game. Make him really believe it was an emergency...

"Skulduggery Pleasant, you get up right now and you call the pizza place!" She ordered in her best bossy voice. "This is not a choice, this is a matter of life or death! If I do not eat within the next ten minuets I will collapse from malnutrition and quickly die. Do you want that?"

Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie and she held his gaze. "I mean it Skulduggery."

Skulduggery folded his paper and stood up, inspired to do something.

He walked over to the kitchen, and came out again with a menu from a nice place nearby, and got his phone out. Putting he hand on his bony hip he waited for his call to be picked up.

"Huuunnngggrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy," Valkyrie whined, stretching out on the sofa her arms hanging off the edge above her head.

Skulduggery began to tap his foot impatiently, in his commanding mode now. The the pizza place picked up and he said in a very serious voice:

"I've have a starving teenager here. Make it large and make it fast."

There was a murmur on the other line she just about caught.

"Just a moment," he turned to her. "What pizza do you want?"

"Errrr..." She thought hard about her important decision, looking at the menu her handed to her. Her stomach growled at the thoughts, and she pointed to her choice. "That one! Large!"

It took almost twenty minuets for the pizza to make its way to the house. In that time, Valkyrie moaned and withered on the floor, acting like she was dyeing, which in all honesty, she felt like she was doing. Eventually a motorbike came down the drive, and Valkyrie stood, mouth watering, stood by the living room window, hands on the glass, eyes wide and hopeful, stomach growling like a predator about to pounce on its pray. In way, it kind of was.

The bike stopped. The boy was about eighteen or nineteen, with a baseball style cap and matching jacket in yellow and red, with a pizza company logo on the back

He took the pizza on the back of the bike...

Her took it out the bag that attached it to the bike...

He walked to the front door...

Took his sweet time...

He knocked on the door...

Skulduggery opened it...

Valkyrie ran into the hall and looked over Skulduggery's shoulder and the boy asked for the money. Skulduggery handed it over, having already gotten it out, and went to take the pizza but the boy moved it away as he put the cash away. Valkyrie heard her tummy rumble again, and she pouted.

"Here's your piz-" The boy started.

"Don't come in. Just give me the pizza," Skulduggery growled out, grabbing the pizza box.

"O-okay,yeah," the boy stammered. Skulduggery just slammed the front door in his face. Mission accomplished, he calmed considerably. Turning, he opened the pizza to check it was right.

"They forgot the onions-" he said, dismayed, believing he would have to call, before Valkyrie interrupted.

The sudden waft of pizza had flew straight into her, making her almost animistic in her want for food. She ran straight at him, hands outstretched, made look in her eyes, tongue lolling out her mouth and shouted: "I DON'T CAAAARE!"

She snatched the box from his hands and skidded onto her knees in the thankfully wooden panelled hall, dropped the pizza onto her legs, grabbed a slice took a bite and fell onto her back, legs stretched in front of her. Her eyes opened wide and looked at the ceiling, but not seeing it in her absolute bliss. She could taste everything in the pizza, the meat, the tomatoes, the vegetables, the lack of onions, the cheese...

Skulduggery knelt down beside her. "Is the pizza good?" He asked, putting an elbow on his knees and side of his skull in his hand. He sounded overly nonchalant, like he should be worried, but is considering past behaviour and seeing that it is actually normal, which probably worried him more.

"Yes," Valkyrie said with her mouth full of another bite of pizza, a creepily happy smile on her face.

* * *

**Yayy! I hope you liked it!**

**Check out the art on Deviantart, as mentioned at the top! Its really good!**


End file.
